A Promise Kept
by Winged Lady Colette
Summary: Shepard dies after destroying the Crucible, and wakes up after destroying the beacon on Eden Prime.
1. Reawaken

**Author's Note: I know, another new story. I suck, but I've really wanted to write this one! This isn't going to be word for word, so don't expect it to be. Let me know what you guys think! Let me know if I should continue. XD Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Warnings: Death, language, maybe and OOCness.**

 **Word Count: 5,208**

She did it. She destroyed the Reapers. The nightmare was finally over. She walked toward the Crucible - because there was no way she could run, she was in way too much pain. It was a miracle she could even move when all she wanted to do was lay down and sleep forever - firing upon it. In her mind, all she could think about was destroying the Reapers. For her friends, for her family, she had to. No matter what it cost - because she has already lost so much to get here. If she had to lose more, then fine. She had but one more thing that she could lose, _really_ lose. That was her life.

She never once regretted dying - either times. How many people can say that? - because the act of dying was always worth it in her eyes. What she did regret was when she died, she left those she loved behind to suffer. In some ways she's so happy to have ben able to have those wonderful memories with her friends. Going out and eating, playing games, going on missions. Those moments made life worth it. Most of the time. She loved them so much sometimes it physically hurt her. She had lost loved ones before and cherished all the time she could with them as she can, while she can.

On the other hand, she wished, for her friends' sake, that she had never built those powerful connections. She knew what her first dance with death did to them. It ruined them - especially Garrus, and in a way that she didn't expect.

There was his whole debacle becoming Archangel, which wasn't so bad, but after she died, it was almost like he realized that the entire universe is one big shithole - in Jack's words - and while that could be mostly true, Shepard believed that it couldn't be all that bad. There was still a lot of good people out there and the Garrus she knew was just so good and pure, like a small child, that when he became the hard-ass Archangel, Shepard didn't know what to think. She respected his change, knowing that people couldn't be the same forever, but it was still strange at first.

But it wasn't until they started going on missions and began seeing each other with more carnal ideas in mind that Shepard saw what her death really did to Garrus. He became super protective of her. He stuck close to her during missions, unless specifically told otherwise, and stopped to talk to her whenever they crossed paths in the hall. Any time someone new came onto the ship to meet with Shepard, he was never far away and was always looking for parts for his weapons, or looking for cleaning supplies for his weapons or making sure no one tried anything funny on the ship. In all cases, he was armed.

When walking around the Citadel, she feels his eyes on her at all times. He's gotten really good at hiding from her to keep it from being painfully obvious that he follows her, but she always knew and was flattered by his protectiveness, even though she rarely needed it. It never hurt having someone she trusted keeping an eye on her when she lets herself relax. She's never too safe, even on the Citadel.

But now she's struck with guilt, in her final moments, for the way she's leaving Garrus. When she spent six months under house arrest on Earth, they couldn't have contact but they knew it was only a matter of time before they saw each other again. The Reapers were coming, both of them knew that, so they knew it was inevitable that they would see each other again, but that's not the case anymore.

As she shot at the Cruisible, she knew this would be it. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she knew this would be the end. She managed to be brought back to life once, there is no way she was going to be able to do it twice. Avoiding death, or having a near death experience is one thing, but she died once and even if she somehow survived the explosion, there was no way help would get to her in time and while she'll miss everyone to death, she lives on borrowed time. The Collectors attack on the Normandy should have been her end but human intervention brought her back.

But this was it. This was the end.

After she was engulfed in flames and everything went black, Shepard awoke, after what felt like minutes, but was probably hours, since the fires had died out already, to unbelievable pain. She took a deep, pained breath, moving her fingers slowly, but even that was a task. Shepard has felt pain, a lot more than what should be fair. Both physically and mentally, and even emotionally at times, the pain has been near crippling, but this time is completely different. It's all three pains, wrapped into one experience.

The feelings are so raw. Shepard, though weak and tired, lets out a soft whimper. A physical manifestation of her pain. She tries to move her torso, even if it's just a bit, a slight shift, but she can't move. Her entire body screams in pain and she blacks out for a split second, before her vision, while blurry, returns to her. She tries to look around, but she can barely move, even thinking about moving hurts everything.

She's not sure how long she ended up just siting there before the darkness began to consume her again. She could feel her heart slowing down, her breaths were pained rasps since the very beginning, but now they were lighter, breathy. Her lungs just couldn't expand enough to sustain her any longer. Her entire body was cold and pulsating in pain, but like her vision, that too began to ebb away. Shepard had so much she wanted to say, to all of the people she loved. To her friends, who effortlessly made her love them like family, and Anderson, who had become like a father to her after Mindoir, and Garrus...

Yes, Garrus. The funny, caring, and sarcastic turian that somehow managed to worm his way deeper into her heart than any had gotten before. Sure Shepard had plenty flings throughout her life. But all were quick, one night stands, Kaidan Alenko was probably the only other that came somewhat close to love, but like all those before him, it never worked out and they moved on. But Garrus, when he boldozed his way into Shepard's life, she couldn't let him go. When she was surrounded by Cerberus employees - the only one she actually trusted being Joker and Chakwas - it was a relief to find him on Omega.

Shepard trusted Garrus. Trusted him to watch her back, keep an eye on the rest of the crew for, and with, her and to be a confidant amongst strangers. It was a relief to have Garrus there and she hoped that he understood how much it meant to her that he was there. They were friends first, but that turned into love. As mushy as it sounded, even to Shepard, but there was something about Garrus that just made their relationship easily shift into love.

Shepard did love Garrus. She loves him a lot. And she wishes, more than anything, that he could be here right now. That she could see him one last time. If she could see no one else in the universe, she wishes that she could see him.

As strange as it sounded, Shepard didn't think a lot about how she was going to die. To be honest, she's already died once, and didn't want to think about it again, not when she has something a lot more dire to think about. Like _everyone in the universe_ dying. Shepard wanted to be selfish and think about herself and her own fears about it all, but she couldn't. She has to think about everyone else, they are what will keep her going when all she wants to do is roll over and die. Again. She knows what it's like to die and come back into a new day and age, where things have changed, sometimes dramatically, but a lot of people aren't as adaptable as she is, and that's okay.

Shepard is adaptable in these situations so no one else has to. Without blowing wind up her own skit, and quoting Mordin, it had to be her, someone else might not be as dedicated to it as she is. _Or may have gotten it wrong._ Not to say no one else could do the job, but as long as she's doing it, she knows it's being done with the best of intentions she can have.

"Garrus..." Shepard croaks, closing her eyes and letting the darkness take her with the image of her beloved turian in her mind.

* * *

"Commander?" A very familiar voice calls out to her. It takes her a moment to place the voice. The person calls out to her again, but Shepard has to literally pull herself through molasses to get into full consciousness.

When she finally opens her eyes, she has to immediately shut them from the blinding white light. She takes a couple of moments, trying to catch her breath and take a mental note of her condition. Everything hurts, but not as much as before. Did someone save her? Was she in the hospital? That would explain how she was waking up, again, from death, again.

"What... happened?" she croaks, bringing an arm up to her face to block out the light, suppressing the urge to groan in pain.

"You've been out for a couple of hours. How are you feeling, Commander?"

Shepard opens her eyes again, squinting at the woman in front of her, trying to make sense of what she saw. "Chakwas...?" She rubs her head and pushes herself up, noting that the pain in her body is subsiding. Her head is pounding but she as to force the irritation away and focus on the scene before her. Something about Chakwas was a little strange to Shepard's eyes, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out just what exactly it is.

"Yes, Shepard, now, follow the light, please," Chakwas says, stepping right up next to Shepard's bed and turning on a little light, slowly moving back and forth in front of the long black haired woman's eyes. Light green eyes follow the movement easily. After a few moments of silence, Chakwas turns off the light and puts it on the table and turns back to Shepard, summoning her orange Omni-tool from her right arm and waves it in front of Shepard before a screen pops up and she looks down at it.

In this silence, Shepard rubs the back of her neck, bringing her legs over the side of the medical berth, letting them dangle before reaching back to pull her hair up into it's tight bun to keep it out of her eyes. She, herself feels off-kilter still, but she did just die again and was saved... by the Normandy? Shepard knew that their labs were state-of-the-art, but Shepard had seen them having to go to the hospital for seemingly less severe injuries. Still, she won't look a gift horse in the mouth. She was saved - again - and the Reapers have been destroyed and now she can actually start living her life.

With Garrus.

With her friends.

Now she can finally start living.

"Hey, Doc," Shepard says, dropping her hands down at her lap, "where is Garrus? I sort of figured he'd be here..." She looks around the medbay curiously, to make sure she wasn't accidently mistaking him for a large, turian-shaped coat rack in the corner. But no, he wasn't in the medbay, but there is something strange going on. The medbay looks... well, it looks... almost like...

"Garrus...?" Chakwas echoes, green eyes raising to Shepard. "Who's that?"

Shepard's world stops moving. Her stomach drops to her feet and this horrible fear wraps around her entire body, making it hard to breath. Her hands curl up into fists. "What did you say, Doc?" Was her voice as unsteady as she feared it was?

Chakwas's keen green eyes narrow a bit in curiosity and a bit of worry. "Is something wrong, Commander? Who is that Garrus fellow you spoke of? Friend of yours? Or did you meet him on Eden Prime?"

Shepard feels the blood drain from her face. "Eden Prime..." She presses her lips together tightly, barely managing to grind out, "the beacon...?"

Chakwas nods grimly. "Unfortunately, Commander, the beacon was destroyed along with pretty much all of the colony of Eden Prime. Even-"

"The Spectre Nihlus was killed," Shepard cuts her off, frowning even more. Many rocks settle in her stomach, making her posture slump a bit without meaning to, a look of worry crossing her face. What could be happening? Was this some kind of joke? Was all the Normandy crew going to jump out from around the room and yell, "surprise!" and while she'll be annoyed at first, she can get over it. But the look on Chakwas's face makes that thought seem like a pipe dream. Something was definitely not right.

Shepard brings her hands up to her face and rubs it roughly, letting out a long, pained groan. What was going on? Surely this all has to be some sort of joke? If it is, it's an elaborate one. She now knows what makes the medbay look strange - it's the fact that it's an exact replica of the Normandy SR1's medbay. Which is completely impossible because it was destroyed in the Collector attack on the Normandy over three years ago. Wow, has it really been that long? Or was it almost four?

"Yes, Commander," Chakwas says, looking back down at her Omni-tool for a moment, before jolting suddenly in remembrance and looking up toward the cameras on the ceiling. "Jeff, let the Captain know that the Commander is awake."

Shepard's entire body freezes. In her mind's eye, she can see the father figure in her life half hunched over, face all bruised and bloodied. They had just had a conversation about kids - how Anderson believed that she might be a good mother, which she wasn't so sure she believed - but then he was gone. It was so sudden. He was having a conversation with her, and sure he was worse for wear but he was alive just seconds before, and then he wasn't. The man that she looked up to, the man she saw as a father figure, was gone. The Illusive Man. The Illusive Man and Cerberus. They killed him.

"Roger that, doc," Joker's voice came through the intercom system. "Say, Commander Shepard, how's the old noggin? I heard you ate dirt. Like, a lot of it." A pause for a chuckle, and then he clears his throat, "Um, you're alright, right? I mean, you _are_ awake now."

Shepard rubs her face in both exhaustion and in the vein hope that it will somehow wake her from this strange hell. "I'm fine, Joker," Shepard says with a long winded sigh. She says that, but she actually feels like she's been hit by a stampede of Yahg. Like a thousand of them, one right after another. Bang, bang, bang. She doesn't remember the vision from the beacon hurting this bad the first time.

The first time...

Shepard has been here before. The attack on Eden Prime. _Saren's_ attack on Eden Prime. _Soverign and Saren's_ attack on Eden Prime. They went there looking for the Prothean beacon unearthed there. They were looking for he Conduit. To bring about the Reapers.

Was this all some kind of joke? She had already been here before. She had already done this before. She's lost friends to this before. Must she do this again? If so, what happened? How did she get here? She knew for certain that she met her end at the Crucible. She was certain this was the last time. And yet, again she awoke, but this time... in the past?

How is that possible? Did the Crucible somehow do this? No, that's impossible, she destroyed the Crucible to destroy the Reapers. That should have been it, that should have been the end. Yet here she is. Was it some kind of Reaper secret weapon? But when could it have been deployed?

Shepard's mind is starting to hurt more and more as she thinks about it.

"Quit kidding around, Joker," Kaidan's familiar, smooth voice pulls Shepard from her thoughts. "Shepard saved my life." He looks down at the black haired woman, who was still sitting on the medical berth. "Thank you, Shepard."

Shepard rubs her forehead, trying to ease the pain building up behind the thickest part of her skull. "Don't worry about it, Kaidan, I know you'd do the same for me." He smiles a bit at that.

The door opens a moment later and Anderson comes walking in, honing in on Shepard with dark, familiar brown eyes and walks right over to her.

"Holy hell, Shepard, what happened down there? I was briefed by Alenko and Gunnery-Chief Ashley Williams, but now I want to hear it from you," he stops right in front of her. Kaidan steps aside to give them some space. Anderson crosses his arms over his chest, giving her a once over. Normally people would think that he was giving them a critical look, probably thinking her injuries weren't as bad as they made them out to be, but she knew that look. He was trying to see if she was alright. He wanted her back in tip top shapes as both his strongest ally and closest friend. Perhaps aside from Kahlee Sanders.

"The beacon is gone, Shepard, what happened?" Anderson asks, relaxing his stance.

Shepard didn't know what to say. She wasn't sure at all what happened. Her mind was all mixed up. In her mind's eye, all she could see was Garrus telling her his one order: to make it back alive. And she knew she failed him. She knew, somewhere deep in the pit of her chest that she wouldn't have been able to make that, especially in the shape that she was in, but now she's here. In the past, not having met Garrus yet and having a chance to fulfill that order. That promise. Could all of that somehow been stored within the beacon?

No, that's impossible. The beacon is messages from the Protheans about the upcoming Reaper invasion. Javik. She has to get to Javik, who was still on Eden Prime, but it would be a long time before anyone even considered going back there to settle, let alone study. That and right now Shepard had to worry about Sovereign and Saran. It won't matter if Saran and Sovereign somehow win. No, she can't let that happen. If she did somehow see the future, something bigger is coming and it looks like she's the only one in the universe that's willing to sacrifice anything and everything to make sure it - it being the Reapers - don't win.

Maybe Shepard did something wrong. Somehow. When she went to destroy the Reapers, she did something that sent her here. But... how? Why at this point?

"Shepard?" Anderson asks, stepping a bit closer to put a hand on Shepard's shoulder, looking down into her green eyes. "Are you alright?"

Shepard nods. "Yeah... I just... I just have a lot of thoughts that don't make sense to me right now. As for what happened down on Eden Prime, Saren... he killed the Specter Nihlus and rode off on... on..." Her eyebrows narrow a bit, conjuring the far away memory of Sovereign, taking off from Eden Prime's surface into outer space, off to their next destination.

"Saren..." Anderson's eyebrows pull together angrily. "He's always had a thing against humanity."

"I know," Shepard says, rubbing the back of her neck and Anderson pulls away from her to pace back and forth. "Anderson, look... can we... can we talk alone for a moment...?"

He pauses in his angry muttering to look over his shoulder at Shepard, looking lost in thought for a moment before nodding, walking back over to her, making a waving gesture for Chakwas and Kaidan to give them some privacy. They both nod and leave with swift farewells. The door hisses shut behind them and the room is silent immediately following.

Both military officers take a moment to listen to the sounds of the medbay. The ventilation system humming, a ping from Chakwas's computer, the machines making low hissing noises or soft beeping before Shepard looks up at Anderson, climbing to her feet to be near eye-level with him and says, albeit hesitantly, "Anderson, I saw something. Something I'm not sure I can explain."

Anderson crosses his arms over his chest and nods for her to continue. "Well try, Shepard, I can't help you much if I don't know what's going on."

"You know about the geth, right?" Shepard asks.

He nods. "Yeah, never heard of the geth ever going beyond the Veil." He shakes his head. "What is going on?"

"It's Saren and the Reaper, Sovereign," Shepard says. Anderson stares at Shepard for a long moment, blinking slowly.

"What is that, Shepard? What is a Reaper?"

Shepard's heart sinks a bit. In the back of her mind, she was kind of hoping that saying something - something that had been the topic of conversation for years - like that would somehow spark a sudden remembrance of their shared... future? But no. He doesn't know. Shepard really was all alone in this. And she couldn't even crawl up into her cabin and into the arms of her turian and try and sleep the horrible memories away. Because she doesn't actually have a cabin yet, not here on the Normandy, and she certainly doesn't have Garrus to help her. Their in-depth relationship didn't really start until after Shepard was brought back to life by Cerberus. But that's all under the assumption that everything she saw would end up being the same as what will happen.

"I don't know," Shepard lies, shaking her head. "All I know for certain is that Saren is no longer a Council Specter and no longer has the best interest of the Council in mind."

Anderson nods slowly, looking as though he wants to ask her for more in depth about the Reapers, but decides that it's best to let it rest for now and moves on. "You're right. It's best they pull their support immediately. We are already en route to the Citadel and should be arriving at any time. Until then, rest up. If I know Udina as well as I think I do, he's not going to have anything nice to say about Eden Prime."

Oh, Shepard forgot about Udina.

"Right," she mutters, sitting back onto the medical berth as Anderson walks from the room.

* * *

Shepard stands there, numb, unmoving, listening to the Council, essentially, tell Udina and Earth to shove it because they had no proof that their greatest Specter had actually betrayed them. She didn't expect anything different. No. Actually, her mind was stuck on Garrus, young, sweet, gung-ho Garrus, without his scar that "drove Shepard crazy" that covered half his face.

After speaking with Executor Pallin, he turned to her and looked down into her eyes and for a moment, she couldn't breath, looking up into those familiar blue orbs, when he speaks, normally. Word for word what he said the first time they met - this _is_ the first time they met! - in her memory. She felt her throat close up and all she could do was stare at him, probably giving him the impression that she was insane, so Kaidan had to thank him and, while putting hands on her shoulder, to lead her away.

She had mixed emotions. On one hand, she was grateful for Kaidan for being perceptive enough to realize that she wasn't all there, not really, and was smoothly trying to maneuver through the situation without insulting anyone. Especially the young C-sec cop who seemed interested in helping them. She was grateful that Garrus wasn't quite keen enough to human social cues, to be able to understand how much of an ass Shepard had made of herself by just staring at him dumbly. He probably thought she was just insane. She was also grateful that even Ashley was trying to smooth over the situation with Garrus, even with her xenophobia.

She can hear it, vividly in her ears after a moment of her just staring at him. "Um," Garrus says, looking down at Shepard with glacial blue eyes, "are you alright, Commander Shepard?"

She didn't respond, too busy taking in all the familiar, yet slightly different features than she remembered. He was no doubt younger, the look in his eyes is still wide and naïve to the ways of the universe. His navy blue colony markings are freshly applied and clean looking. He still cares about how he's viewed by people. He's still trying to be a "good turian", despite his, and his father's it seems, insistences that he's not.

"So, Officer Vakarian," Kaidan said smoothly, looking between a confused Garrus and an expressionless Shepard. Garrus pulled his eyes away from Shepard to Kaidan, looking him up and down curiously.

"Yes?"

"You're looking into Saren too? Why?" He asked, trying to steer this conversation back on track.

Snapping back into focus, Garrus nodded. "Yeah, I've got a bad feeling about him. If he truly is behind the attack on Eden Prime than he's a disgrace to the turian race and that cannot be forgiven. Unfortunately, I was unable to dig up any concrete evidence with all the red tape surrounding everything a Specter touches." He sighed, shaking his head and looking down at Shepard. "Don't worry, Commander Shepard, I have a few more leads I'm going to check out. If Saren really has gone bad, I want to catch him."

His fire, his intensity, it was all familiar to her. Familiar enough for her to nod slowly, yet still her mouth wouldn't work, she was still having trouble seeing the two separate Garrus'. The one she knew and fell in love with and the one that knows nothing about her, standing before her right at this moment.

"Thanks," Ashley said, putting her hand on Shepard's shoulder. "We'd best get going though. The Commander has a lot on her mind."

Garrus looked a little surprised, his mandibles fluttering embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I, uh," he looked around nervously, reaching up with his left hand to rub the back of his head, obviously bashful. "Sorry, okay. Um, I'll go." He looked around awkwardly before tipping his head a bit in farewell before leaving.

Shepard blinks slowly pulling herself from her daydreaming, raising her eyes to the image of Saren who glaring down at her. "How am I to defend myself against dreams?" He was saying.

"Don't worry about that," Shepard says surprising herself and everyone else listening in. This is the first time she's spoken since they got here. Saraen's eyes narrow even more. "Because you can't fight it, there's nothing logical about it. I could even point out that you weren't suppose to be on Eden Prime, but that's Specter business. I could say you weren't suppose to shoot Nihlus Kryik in the back of his head because you and he were friends," Saren's mandibles flare in rage, looking about to say something but Shepard smoothly continues, "but then you would just sputter nonsense no one wants to hear. Since I know the Council is going to dismiss this claim, I'm going to say something to you before they do, so you know."

Saren is practically trembling in rage. If they could, Shepard would have suspected his eyes would flash red, that he would leap across the distance separating them and strangle her to death. But then something strange happened. Not with Saren, but with the turian Councilor, Sparatus. It was a slight movement, so slight that Shepard almost missed it, but she didn't and her eyes locked on Sparatus as his mandibles press together and he looks at Saran sharply.

Shepard doesn't know what Sparatus knows - if he knows anything - but he was the one that sought Shepard out to assist on taking back Earth, sure it involved saving the Primarch, but still, he went to her. He's not afraid to go out on a limb. He must sense something is wrong, or perhaps Shepard is just looking into something that doesn't exist.

She turns her attention back to Saren. "You won't get what you want," she says evenly, glaring up at the huge holoform of the turian. "You and Sovereign won't win. I know your secret, Saren. I know all your moves before you do," she narrows her eyes when a flicker of confusion crosses his face, "and every step you take, I'll be right there, in your path." She turns on her heel and starts to walk away, only to stop and look at him over her shoulder. She doesn't care who's listening, in her eyes, it's just the two of them. "I'll be back with the irrefutable proof of your involvement." She gives him a deadpanned stare, making sure he knows how serious she is. "The Reapers will never win." And then she leaves.

"Commander Shepard!" Ashley and Kaidan run after her, sending looks Anderson's way but he waves for them to follow after Shepard, they obey and run to catch up with her fast, purposeful steps.

"Commander Shepard," Kaidan says, stepping up to her right side, Ashley stepping up to her left, "where are we going?"

She keeps her eyes straight ahead, mind now keen and focused on the task at hand. "We're going to go meet up with some friends." Tali, Wrex and Garrus, Shepard thinks with determination, we're coming for you. Hopefully, this time around, if everything she saw was truly what is to come, then she's going to try and do things differently.

And hopefully for the better. For everyone's sake.


	2. Get the Crew

**Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait! There is a bit of buzz for this story! Thanks for humoring me, guys! I appreciate it. As I said, this won't be a carbon copy of the original. There won't be a lot of lines that are word for word, just so you know. I'm happy to hear from you all! Let me know what you think! Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Warnings: Language maybe and OOCness.**

 **Word Count: 5,811**

Shepard is standing outside of Doctor Michele's office and a ways away. She's not looking at the door leading into the office that's a good twenty feet to her left. Instead, she is watching the ships coming and leaving the Citadel. Watching them go reminds Shepard of Cortez and makes her wonder what he's doing at this time. As soon as the thought came to her, she immediately thought about Ferris Fields. About Cortez's husband. The colony was still there - all of the colonies were - because the Collectors haven't began abducting them for Harbinger to make the human Reaper yet.

Shepard forces the thoughts away. She can't think about this, not right now. If she did somehow see the future, she has time to deal with that later. Instead her focus turns to something a little closer to now. Ashley. She can hear the Gunnery Chief pacing back and forth behind her, anxiously, trying to be quiet about it, but it's obvious that she doesn't appreciate the silence.

It was strange having the girl by her side again, sure they haven't rebuilt their friendship yet, but there was nothing that couldn't stop Shepard from being practically filled with joy over seeing her again. She hated that she couldn't just throw her arms around the girl and tell her she was ship bound until the Collectors attack, but that wasn't for Shepard to decide - in a way, this was still Ashley's job, she can't just _not_ do anything - and Ashley wouldn't want her to do any of that. She couldn't want to be held back, from anything. And Shepard wasn't the type of person to hold someone back. Ashley is damn fine soldier, and perhaps it's because she feels like she's living two separate lives, but she'll do nothing to stop Ashley from honoring her family and her sisters.

"Commander," Kaidan says from where he's leaning against the rail next to her, watching Ashley pace with doe brown eyes, "I think Williams is going to run a rut into the walk way if we let her persist."

Shepard glances over her shoulder to see the white and pink armored woman pauses, mid-step, blushing embarrassed. She clears her throat and glares a bit over the top of both Shepard and Kaidan's heads before lowering her gaze to Shepard's light green eyes.

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am?" Ashley asks, turning to face Shepard.

Shepard turns around and leans against the railing too, resting her hands against the rail behind her, head tilted. "Permission granted, Williams."

She squares her shoulders and lifts her chin. "What are we doing, ma'am? Shouldn't we be looking into Saren? How are we going to find this proof? How in the world are we going to get evidence against a Specter? Is there any sort of plan, ma'am? We've been here almost fifteen minutes now, staring at the ships passing by." She makes a waving gesture toward the ships as if Shepard didn't know what she was referring to. She sighs. "I'm just confused."

Shepard stares at her without even the slightest shift in her facial expression, not even when she catches Kaidan - who's also interested in what she had to say - looks at her from the corner of his eye.

"Questions are good," Shepard finally says. "I'm just killing time. I know I should go speak to the shithead Harkin, but I'd rather not get sexually harassed." She lets out a long winded sigh. "But, I think we've killed enough time, come, there's a doctor I want to talk to."

"Doctor?" Kaidan and Ashely ask in unison, sharing a look for a moment before Kaidan continues, "Are you feeling unwell?"

"A bit," Shepard says. It's not really a lie, she still feels like she's just died for a second time, but it's a pain that she can ignore for now. She walks over calmly, as if there was no reason to expect anything wrong was going on even though she knows that both Garrus and Fist's men would be waiting on the other side. She stepped up to the pressure door and they opened up, revealing what she was waiting to see: Garrus sneaking up on a few of Fist's men threatening Dr. Michele looking for Tali.

Like before, the door opening alerted the men of intruders and they turned on Shepard, Kaidan and Ashley. It was in the midst of fighting that Shepard had to wonder why her walking in alerted them when Garrus had to come in some way. How did he get in undetected where she could not? There was no vents that she could see big enough for his armored ass to crawl through to get inside, so how? Shepard never originally gotten around to asking Garrus how he did that. All she cared about was the fact that he had put the hostage, namely Dr. Michele, in danger.

Garrus looks at them right as they walked in, waiting only a moment, before jumping up and shooting the mercenary in front of Dr. Michele, freeing her from his grasp before getting in between her and any more danger. Shepard, Ashley and Kaidan take care of the rest of them quickly and efficiently.

"Nice going," Garrus says, looking at Shepard.

There was a slight pause, before Shepard raises her eyes to Garrus's. "That was reckless of you. You could have endangered the hostage," she says flatly, not angry this time, but still wanting to get the point across, she wouldn't want anything to risk the chance of changing the turian she ended up falling in love with. Even if there is no way he's interested in her now, she still loved him and was willing to wait for his love. If he ended up loving her again.

"Oh," Garrus says, looking around for a moment, suddenly embarrassed. He turns toward Michele. "Doctor Michele, are you alright?"

She nods, shakily, obviously frazzled. "Yes, I'm fine. Thank you."

"Who were they?" Ashley asks, strapping her gun back onto her back.

"They work for Fist," Doctor Michele says.

Shepard turns away, looking toward the door as they grill her about what happened. Everything was as she remembered, not a word out of place. She is already mentally going through the next couple of hours in her head. They need to go to C-Sec offices to pick up Wrex, attack Purgatory to get Fist, learn about Tali, save Tali from Saren's men and show the council that Saren is no longer on their side.

Shepard let out an exasperated sigh. She knew how all of this was going to work out. No matter how she tried to convince them to believe her, is she really going to go through all of this to stop Sovereign and then still be brushed off about the Reaper threat? The hard part hasn't even started and she's already exhausted thinking about it.

Shepard really needed to sit down and think about how she was going to speak up the preparations for the Reapers Invasion. No one, other than her crew and a few select people who could really do very little to help prepare, would believe her, if she did everything according to how she did it the first time. But a lot of that was spur of the moment improve, she hopes that she remembers enough to get similar results, if not better ones than before.

This entire thing is tiresome. Almost nothing has happened yet and Shepard can already feel her patience running thin. She doesn't have time to waste on people who aren't going to ultimately help the cause. Sure, there is life outside of the Reaper invasion - especially if they succeed - but as bad as it is, Shepard has to start thinking about protecting the masses. If she started working now, than maybe she would be able to save more people.

She didn't know about the numbers, just estimations throughout the war, but they were staggering. The universe is a big place, until it's under attack, and then it couldn't be smaller. There couldn't be less places to hide.

Shepard rubs her face, exhausted alright. "Shit," she mutters. If people don't believe her... if things keep the way they were in the beginning... this entire thing made her want to just fall to the floor and lay there until this all ends. Or until the Reapers come.

No. No. That wasn't right. There is no way she is going to let the Reapers win. Even if it kills her. The Reapers learned that she was a force to be reckoned with, and she's going to prove it again - ten fold.

"Commander?" Kaidan asks, staring at Shepard with wide dark brown eyes.

Shepard blinks a few times, forcing the thoughts away for now. She could drive herself crazy trying to wrap her mind around what had happened and exactly what to do at the moment. She had to deal with what is going on now, and find some kind of confidant when she can. Right now she has to recruit Wrex and save Tali, lest something happen that can never un-happen, and heaven forbid that it is something that takes one of her friends away.

A flash of Mordin, grinning, singing that silly song that Shepard liked to listen to. Even if it was weird. The tune was catchy.

A flash of Legion, asking, quietly, if he had a soul. Calling her Shepard-Commander.

A flash of Anderson, like a father to Shepard, telling her that he thought she would have made a good mother. She never thought about things like that. Such a thing wasn't possible with Garrus, but that didn't mean that they couldn't adopt. There was plenty of children in the universe that deserved to be loved. Especially after they thwart the Reaper invasion.

"Commander Shepard?" Dr. Michele says, stepping forward and putting a hand on Shepard's shoulder, pulling her from her thoughts again. "Are you alright, Commander? Do you need to lie down?"

"No," Shepard says, simply, then forces a smile, realizing that her response came out chipped. "No, thank you, Doctor Michele. I've got some things on my mind. It's nothing to worry about." She forces that thoughts into the back of her mind and focused on the people around her. "Alright, we need to go see Fist."

"Officer Vakarian was just telling us about a krogen bounty hunter named Wrex brought in by C-sec for interrogation that is claiming to be after Fist," Kaidan says, glancing over at Garrus to make sure he got that right.

Garrus nods. "Yes. Maybe we can enlist his help?" He offers slowly. We. He said we. He wanted Shepard to approve of him coming along. As if she could say no.

"Good idea," Shepard says. Garrus's shoulders sag a bit in relief before straightening up with renewed vigor. "Alright, Alenko," Shepard says, looking to the brown haired man, he straightens up, "you come with me and Officer Vakarian to go and speak with Wrex. Williams, head back to Udina's office and tell Anderson what's going on, make sure to keep him in the loop. Let's go." She wasted enough time day dreaming, they've got to move.

If Kaidan or Ashley had any complaints, Shepard didn't stay around long enough for them to voice them. She moves quickly. She really did waste a lot of time. Any that she gained already knowing where Garrus would be was already used up while lost in her thoughts. Thankfully Shepard was known for being a fast walker and Kaidan already knew that and was prepared to keep up and Garrus already has long legs and is easily able to keep up with her fast pace after a moment of being left behind.

Now that Shepard knows where everything is at the Citadel, she's able to make it to C-sec headquarters in record time. They got in, got Wrex and used rapid transport to get herself, Wrex and Garrus to Chora's Den. She didn't say much, figuring she didn't have to as they entered the firefight. In some weird way, Shepard found solace in learning that even though she knows she's been here before, the bad guys weren't all in the _exact_ same place. This could be attriputed to many different things: time of arrival, alternate situations, etc., but it still calmed her in a way.

The future isn't set in stone. She could still save everyone. All of her friends. Everyone.

It was such a silly thing to think about while in the middle of a fight. But she was, and it somehow cleared her head enough to focus on it more than perhaps she would have. They were easy to dispatch, just merchs, Shepard has taken down Reapers before and her muscles remember, easy. It wasn't until she met with the two workers in Chora's Den, holding their pistols aimed at Shepard that something else she hadn't originally thought of came to mind.

It wasn't just about all the people that she watched die as the Reapers burned worlds, it was about all the people she helped and met along the way, no matter how insignificant it may have appeared in the grand scheme of things each life - each _good_ life - deserved to have the chance to fight. Shepard never saw these two again, and had no idea what ever happened to them, but they could have been two of the thousands of workers on the Crucible - making it's creation possible - and if she didn't try and keep some of the fundamentals of her first chance in this one, she may end up losing altogether.

Shepard isn't certain if what she saw - lived through? - was actually her life, or if it was all a vision from the beacon on Eden Prime. The lattermost one she highly doubted, but she wasn't sure how she got here other than a vision, that she didn't live through any of that at all. But at the side time, she didn't want to think about what she experienced as anything but genuine.

"Commander?" Garrus asks, tilting his head to the side. "Are you alright?"

"Spacy, are we?" Wrex mutters, giving his head a shake before rolling his shoulders back. "Let's get moving, shall we? We don't want to keep Fist waiting."

Garrus glances over at Wrex for a moment, contemplating something before deciding it doesn't matter and looking back down at Shepard. "Wrex is right, but still. Do you need a moment...?"

Shepard shakes her head. "No. I'm fine. Come gentlemen, it's rude to keep Fist waiting." She fast walks to the door, keeping herself armed before pressing her back to the side of the door, happy that without having to say anything, Wrex and Garrus easily fell into step with her. She nods once and Garrus opens the door before stepping back, letting Wrex and Shepard in first with him hot on their heels. They spot Fist right away, and the two turrets.

"Move!" Shepard yells, diving behind cover, Wrex and Garrus doing the same. They easily take out the turrets and then Shepard pops up from behind cover and shoots Fist in the leg, cowing him immediately.

"Okay, okay!" Fist says, kneeling down and holding his hands up in surrender.

Shepard steps up to him. "The quarian, Fist, how much time do we have to get to her?"

Fist stares up at her confused. "Wait, what?"

Shepard narrows her eyes. "She's not here, and I would think a sleaze-ball like you would be smart enough to know keeping a quarian technician anywhere close to the systems that have access to the Shadow Broker, so where is she?" It was legitimate, thankfully, and maybe people will stop looking at her like she was crazy - even if she felt like she just might be - and she didn't have time for that.

Fist looks at Garrus and Wrex, like he didn't know what to say. "Um..."

Shepard sigh. It's only the beginning of this journey and she's already done dealing with people like him. She turns on her heel and walks toward the exit, not even pausing when Wrex pulled out his gun and shot Fist. She heard Wrex grunt and mutter something under his breath about Fist that she wasn't able to make out, but ignored that too.

"Where are we going, Commander?" Garrus asks, falling into step next to her.

"To save Tali," Shepard mutters, picking up her pace.

They managed to make it to Tali in time to help her finish off the remainder of Saren's men. It was a little closer than Shepard would have liked, though thankfully everyone appeared to be alright at the moment. She took a moment to look around at everyone as Tali sputtered out her thanks, pausing a moment in hesitation when Shepard didn't immediately accept the gratitude.

Shepard quickly brings her eyes back to Tali. "Sorry. You're welcome. I'm just glad that we could be here to help. You're unhurt, right?"

Tali nods, tipping her head a bit, nervously. "Commander Shepard, I think I might have something that can help you out. I might have something you may find useful."

Shepard smiles, faintly. "Good. Come on, let us head back to Udina's office. You can show us what you got there." Tali, who lifted her arm to play the recording she got off the Geth archives, pauses, glances up at Shepard before nodding and lowering her arm again.

"Ah, yes. Please, lead the way, Commander."

* * *

Shepard listens closely to the recording, trying to hear something, pick out the smallest detail she might have missed the first time around. But it was all as she remembered it. There wasn't a single added detail, nothing she could use to somehow start the Reapers-are-real-and-a-huge-god-dammed-threat rollercoaster going, much to her disappointment.

But all she could do is stand around, throw in her two cents - this is irrefutable proof that Saren is no longer working for the council, they can't ignore this - and agree to go with them to present the evidence to the council.

Matriarch Benezia's voice echoes through Shepard's ears. The return of the Reapers. She originally got a weary feeling when she heard those words, but hearing them again now, makes her fingers curl into fists at her side.

"What is this 'Reapers' that they spoke of?" The turian councilor asks, looking over at the two other councilors. The salarian councilor shook his head while the asari shrugged her shoulder but turned toward Shepard.

"While I know nothing of that, I do recognize the other voice. Matriarch Benezia," the asari councilor says.

"Yes," Shepard says. "I've heard of her."

The asari councilor looks impressed. "Have you?"

Shepard nods. "Yes, her daughter is famous, a prothean expert by the name of Liara T'Soni."

The asari councilor nods. "What you've said is correct. If anyone has any idea of where Matriarch Benezia's whereabouts could be, it would most likely be her daughter. I'm glad that you have your ears to the ground, Commander. That will be useful for your journey."

Shepard tips her head respectfully. "Thank you, councilor."

There was a minute or two more talking about what they were going to do. Moreso, Udina asking what the council is going to do, and them essentially saying "nothing" before they deemed that Shepard would become the first human Spectre.

The first time this happened, there was honor, and pride, and a lot of anxiety, but Shepard knew that she needed to do this in order to stop Saren from whatever he was doing. So she was willing to swallow the nerves and the fear to do what she had to do. But now, Shepard knows about everything, and this was all just a formality. Being a Spectre wasn't an honor anymore - well, it _was_ but it didn't give Shepard the feeling it did this time like it did the very first time - it was a necessity. She needed to have free reign and Specrtre status to be able to commence with her "investigation" into Saren.

"Thank you, councilors," Shepard says, bowing her head a bit respectfully. She steps forward and listens to them give their speeches' about honor and such and being the arm of the council and something about keeping the peace, but she wasn't really listening. She was standing, back straight, legs slightly spread, chin held up and eyes forward and focused like the perfect soldier, but in her mind's eye, all she could do was see the Reapers, landing on Earth's surface.

Flying away from Earth to try and find it help, Shepard watched the homeworld of her people, burn beneath the Reaper's lasers and be crushed beneath their literal presence. Shepard may not have been born on Earth, but there was something significant about it because it was the human homeworld. But that wasn't the only part of it. There were people there. Billions of people there that was dying that was looking to someone - Shepard and her crew and the alliances that they have to form - to protect them.

After the ceremony - if it could really be called that - was over, Shepard turned away from the councilors, and the gathering crowd to walk down the few steps to Udina, Anderson, Garrus, Kaidan, Ashley, Tali and Wrex, who were waiting for her at the bottom. Garrus, Kaidan, Ashley and Tali all looked shocked, and awed while Wrex looked amused and Udina and Anderson looked grim.

Anderson relinquishes his control over the Normandy to Shepard and like the first time, it brings a great pain to her chest. She loves the Normandy. It is her home and place of great serenity for her but still hearing Anderson stepping down hurt her heart. He hadn't been command of the Normandy for an overly long time, but in some ways, she did still see it as her stealing it from him. And maybe, secretly in the back of her head, she thought that if had been the one in control of the Normandy when Earth was attacked, he might have lived instead of dying inside the Citadel trying to fire the Crucible.

Then again, without Anderson Earth-bound, more lives may have been lost while Shepard was running around playing politician. And peacekeeper. Maybe there was something that she could have done differently that could have saved him. Anything.

The Citadel. It was the center of the galactic community. And ultimately, it would be what would either save, or destroy them all. The Reapers would use it to launch their invasion if she didn't stop them this time around and then the Alpha Relay. But ultimately, it was just a stalling measure. The Reapers are a very real threat that can only be delayed, not stopped. Not yet. But there has to be something that she can do to start preparing _now._

But there was little she could do now, except hope and pray that the answer becomes clear soon enough.

"Thank you, Anderson," Shepard says slowly, frowning deeply. "I feel like I'm stealing her from you."

Anderson shakes his head. "Nonsense. You're a Spectre now. You can't very well have a ship that you cannot command. Besides, I think you'll need her for where you're bound to go."

"Tell me about it," Shepard mutters.

Anderson raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing," Shepard says, shaking her head. "One moment." She turns to her eventual crew. "Listen, guys, this mission... you aren't required to come with me. I appreciate all the help you've given me thus far, but I don't want to disillusion anybody about this. Saren is bad news. Very bad. That ship we saw on Eden Prime..." she hesitates, wondering how much to allude to. Carefully, she continues, "We don't know anything about it and it's design was particular. Besides that, even if the council brushed it off, I believe that the Reapers are a definite threat. There is a reason that Matriarch Benezia and Saren are trying to bring them back. I doubt it's anything good," she says bitterly. She shakes her head and lets out a long sigh.

She takes a moment to look at her crew. Kaidan and Ashley, standing side by side stare at her in amazement and wonder. Like she was something ethereal before them. They were taking in her words and were slowly shifting from wonder to worry. There was much they didn't know. Yes, the definitely knew less than Shepard and in a way, that was a good thing, for now. She's not sure how they would react just yet about what was going on. In some ways, she wished that she was back to being so ignorant. But she couldn't afford it.

Not now. Not if she has the chance to change things: for the better.

But she could tell by their faces, Ashley and Kaidan were definitely in.

Tali looked nervous, wringing her hands in front of her for a moment, looking around indecisively before she rolls her thin shoulders back and raises her helmeted head up high, eyes glowing brightly beneath her mask. She looked scared, but she was strong. She wanted to prove herself. She wanted to do something notable for her Pilgrimage, and if the Geth were involved, she was an expert. In a way.

That made Shepard think of Legion, but she quickly shook him away, not wanting to feel the pit in her stomach get any deeper.

Wrex looked interested. To be painfully honest, at this point in Wrex's life, he truly had nothing to live for. He was a mercenary with no aspirations of returning to Tuchunka and unite the clans just yet. Shepard was probably the most interesting thing that's fallen into his lap in a long time. Going with her promised lots of fighting which is currently what he thrived on. It was a given, he'd go.

And finally, Shepard's eyes fall onto Garrus. Sweet, kind, innocent Garrus, with his blue eyes wide and mandibles twitching in excitement at the prospect of being able to "actually _do something_ " as he had once told her. He would finally be able to go out and make a difference in the galaxy. Shepard can respect that but she also knew that while Garrus is unbearably adorable and sweet and charming, his dark side does exist. He, more than most others, will push his boundaries in this entire thing. He has such a strong sense of justice that it'll lead him to hunting that black market dealer - what was his name again? - and ultimately head to Omega and start a rag-tag group of freedom fighters.

"Listen," Shepard says slowly, pulling her eyes away from Garrus to just scanning the crowd, "this mission is going to be dangerous. I can feel it in my bones. Something big is at play here and we can't lose sight of that, but at the very same time, while I'm positive that all of you would be an indispencible part of the team," she says, then immediately continues when Wrex opens his mouth to retort, "And no, Wrex, I'm not blowing hot wind up your skirts, I'm merely stating a fact." Wrex seems pleasantly surprised that she seemed to be able to read his mind.

After a moment's pause, he says, "'Skirts' wasn't the word I was going to use, but I suppose it fits just as well." Tali, Ashley, Kaidan and even Garrus shoot him a surprised look. It was such a vulgar thing to suggest in front of what would be their commanding officer, but Shepard let out a bark of a laugh, feeling a wave of relief washing over her. Wrex was still Wrex, regardless of if she knew him for ten minutes or ten years.

Wrex seemed pleased that Shepard found that humorous.

"Gross, Wrex," Shepard says, shaking her head. She turns her gaze toward her shocked companions. "Wrex just explicitly assisted me into sorta my next point."

"Oh, goodie," Wrex rumbles, obviously amused. Shepard had to wonder if he was intentionally trying to see how far she would allow this to go. It was a bit uncharacteristic of the Wrex she knew in the beginning, but at least this was a sign that he was starting to like her, which would ultimately lead to trust and that is key to build up in preparation to Virmire.

"I said, sorta, Wrex," Shepard says simply before continuing, "I want you all to look at everyone in this cute little circle of ours." She gave them a moment to do just that before continuing, "We are not humans, turians, quarians or krogan. We are a team. We will step off this Citadel strangers and onto the Normandy as a team. I know that we won't all go out drinking anytime soon to talk about the good ol' days, but we are in this together. I expect that you will go into battle with the intention of protecting every single person in our team. Forget past grudges, family feuds, arguments moments leading up to the battle, when we get there, I expect you all to do what you can to protect each other and yourselves.

"I am in charge of my ship," she says calmly, light green eyes scanning the group. "But, all of your opinions are important to me. While I'd like to believe that I can figure out what's best, I'm not perfect. If any of you see something that I don't, let me know. Each of you holds skillsets unique to you that I want to utilize to the upmost I can. This isn't about chain of command. It's a respect thing. You are just as much part of this team as I am, we all must carry the burden and work together. That is the only way this can work," Shepard says, voice even and serious. "I don't expect you to all love each other, but when one of you speaks, we will listen. We may not all like the decisions that we all make, but I do expect us all to respect them."

"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan, Ashley and Garrus say at once, standing taller. They all glance at each other for a moment before turning their attention back to Shepard.

She smiles, slightly. "And from this point on, I'm Shepard. We are all in this together." She gives a huff, shaking her head a bit before looking at each them in turn. "I am Jane Shepard. It's nice to meet you all."

She glances over at Kaidan and nods. It takes him a split second before he smiles at the group, relaxing a bit. "Kaidan Alenko."

Ashley shifts a bit, offering a small, tentative smile. "Ashley Williams."

Tali is positively jubilant. "Tali'Zorah nar Rayya." She waves her hand around a bit in her excitement and Shepard smiles more at that.

Garrus rolls his shoulders back, straightening up a bit. "I'm Garrus Vakarian."

And finally, "Urdnot Wrex," Wrex says, red eyes scanning the crowd. No one says anything right away and he huffs. Shepard rolls her eyes at that before returning her attention to the entire group as a whole.

She pulls up her orange Omni-tool and begins to type away before scanning the people in front of her. "Alright, I just added all of you to a private channel. We will communicate with this. You have until ten tomorrow morning to tie up any loose ends here before we depart. If something happens, let us know and we will all come help." Ashley holds up a hand a bit, awkwardly, not knowing how else to get Shepard's attention. Shepard nods at her. "Yes, Ashley?"

Ashley seems mildly surprised at the use of her name before quickly covering it up and asking, "What do you mean by that, ma'am?"

"By what?" Shepard asks, wondering where she could have been misunderstood.

"By 'if something happens'?" Ashley clarifies, lowering her hand.

Shepard leans on one hip. "Tali was attacked not two hours ago, by Saren. Now that we've all sworn to hunt him, we are all targets. That's what I mean."

Ashley nods quickly. "Understood."

Shepard nods. "Good. Dismissed. Remember, tomorrow at ten be outside the Normandy. Let me know if you're going to be late or we'll assume you don't want to take part." She nods once more and they immediately departed. Shepard turns back to Anderson and an annoyed Udina.

"Cute," Udina says sharply. "Now, Commander, get on this as quickly as possible. You know what you have to do. Don't let humanity down, Shepard."

"Yes, sir," Shepard says, straightening up a bit, even though it burned her a bit to do so. Udina isn't a bad guy yet. Or, if he is, he hasn't shown his true colors yet. He's just crotchety at this point. With a huff, Udina spun on his expensive black shoed heel and walked away. Anderson and Shepard watched him go in silence for a moment before turning to each other.

"That is a good foundation to start building your team on," Anderson says simply, eyebrows raised.

Shepard grunts, rolling her eyes. "Thanks. But, sir, do you have a moment to talk?"

"Not with that language, Shepard," Anderson says and at Shepard's confused look, he elaborates, "There is no 'sir' here, Shepard. How long do you think we've known each other?"

Shepard smiles, letting her shoulders sag a bit. "A long time, Anderson."

"Good," Anderson says simply. "Now, what did you want to talk about, Shepard?"

Shepard turns her light green eyes toward Anderson's dark brown ones, keeping her voice low and serious. All traces of happiness and playfulness is gone from her face too. "I want to talk about the Reapers."

 _For the Reviewers:_

 _1\. Guest 1: Thank you! Sorry for the wait!_

 _2\. Nice: Thank you! Sorry about the mess up!_

 _3\. Guest 2: Thank you! Sorry for the wait! I love this couple too!_

 _4\. herbsandlemons: Thank you! Sorry for the wait!_


	3. Leaving the Citadel

**Author's Note: Hello! I am sorry about the wait! There is a bit of interest in this story, so I'm going to keep going with it. I really love Mass Effect. The story, the characters, everything. I hope that I'm doing it just a bit of justice in my writing, but we will see. I love hearing what you all have to say, so let me know what you think! I'm off to bed now! Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **Warnings: Language maybe and OOCness.**

 **Word Count: 5,611**

Anderson tilts his head to the side, curiously. He takes a moment to study her face with his dark caramel colored eyes before nodding and making a waving motion for her to follow him. She does, thankful for how much Anderson cares for her. They've been close for a very long time, and the fact that he's willing to bend over backwards for her at practically every turn is a comfort she needs really bad right now. She's not sure she can tell him everything, but she has to start planting the idea of the Reaper threat somewhere.

He is trusted friend and a well respected officer in the Alliance. It makes Shepard feel bad to be using him like this. It's not done maliciously, but still, the part of Shepard that watched her father figure die is in deep pain from not just telling him everything right off the bat. It hasn't been nearly long enough but Shepard is already done with all of the nonsense she knows has yet to come. In some ways, it was taxing just thinking about how much this entire thing is going to suck. It's going to be hard trying to go through all of this without saying anything to any of her friends.

"Come," Anderson says, waving his hand for Shepard to follow him. They walk away from the council meeting spot and off to the side to sit down on one of the five or six benches over there. It's thankfully a little out of the way so that they can talk in some semblance of privacy. "Now, what would you like to talk about. These... uh, Reapers, right?"

Shepard nods, lowering herself next to the father figure in her life. She takes a moment to look around at the few people who are still up and about at this time. At least up here, there wasn't much else that could be done up here once the council retired for the evening and wouldn't be having any more public meetings. Shepard watched that Salarian - what was his name again? - trying to scan the Keeper and made a mental note to go over there and talk to him before he leaves. She doesn't know what not scanning the Keepers could possibly do.

There is just some things she's not willing to risk. No matter how menial they may appear at first.

"I'm not sure what to say," Shepard says slowly, turning her eyes toward Anderson to see him staring at her curiously. "I mean, I know what I want to say, I'm just not sure how much I can say right now."

Anderson's eyes narrow slightly. "Why can't you just say everything?"

Shepard smiles thinly. "Because, all of it is going to sound completely insane, and I'm not sure how much crazy you'll be able to take right now. So, maybe an insane story all together but in small, more believable portions is what is needed right now."

Anderson's frown deepens slightly. "Are you sure that's wise? I mean, after what I just heard, I'm inclined to believe pretty much anything at this point."

Shepard's smile lessens a bit. "You don't know truly insane until you've heard my tale, but for now, I'll tell you what I can and I know it's going to be unbelievable but you're going to have to have a bit of faith in me, alright Anderson? Can you do that?"

Anderson lets out a long winded sigh, gazing around the area for a moment. When he turns his dark brown eyes back to her, he nods, slowly. "Fine," he says, "I'll give it my best try. Let's hear it."

This time it's Shepard's turn to sigh, running her hand through her long black tresses pulled up into her signature bun. Her fingers get tangled in a few knots and she reaches up and undoes the bun, letting her hair fall down around her shoulders and down to the middle of her back. She runs her fingers through it a few times, knowing that Anderson is one of the few people she can really let her hair down around - figuratively and literally. Even at this point. If Shepard trusted anyone else in the whole universe to have her back no matter what, it would be Anderson.

"The Reapers. It's a real threat. In my vision..." she hesitates, wondering how in the world she was going to phrase this, "I saw... I saw what could only be explained as the Protheans, fighting gigantic... towering beings as they were being wiped out. Anderson," Shepard raises her eyes slowly to stare into Anderson's to show him just how serious she was, "I saw the same being flying away from Eden Prime. Saren's flagship... it's a Reaper."

Anderson closes his eyes for a moment, trying to get his thoughts in order. His hands, which were dangling between his legs as his elbows rested against his thighs, clench and unclench in obvious worry. His jaw works, Shepard can see, as he ponders her words. As unhappy as he is, this is a good thing. Shepard knows this reaction. He believes her. Even though it's crazy to just assume, he believes her.

He will never truly understand how much it means to her that he is willing to go out on a limb like that. For her. She saw the Reapers, she knows how bad it's going to get. And even she isn't so certain, had she not known now what she does, if she would be able to believe him with so little. Anderson is by far a better friend than she ever could be. Ever hope to be.

After a long, bated silence, Anderson asks in a low, controlled voice, "How certain of this are you? I mean, about any of this?"

"About that ship being a Reaper? I'm positive," Shepard says, her voice even. "It's the exact same. But Saren and Matriarch Benezia are talking Reapers. Plural. In the vision, I saw thousands, darkening the sky..." She didn't really, not in her vision at least, but she might as well have. She's still not sure what to call what happened to her. So far, everything has stayed relatively true to what she already lived through - or thought she lived through? - and it only begs for an alarming future to come.

She would rather be the laughing stock of the entire universe and be wrong about this entire thing, then not do everything she can to prepare for what was to come. Anything she can do at this point to try and give them a bit of a head start on trying to prepare for the invasion, she'll take it.

Normally, Shepard would feel bad about lying to Anderson, but she couldn't muster any of those feelings right now. She's certain that if she goes and does everything as close to how she did it as possible without attempting any strives in the direction of a possible better future, she won't be able to forgive herself. All the lives lost then, will be on her hands. Or at least a better ultimate outcome to what she knew was to come. It's not a matter of stopping the Reapers, Shepard wasn't naïve enough to think that they could halt their invasion indefinitely, but she was going to stop them permanently. There is no way she's going to let them catch her and the rest of the universe unprepared.

Shepard will be damned before she lets that happen.

* * *

Shepard was please, stepping out onto the dock to see Wrex, Tali, Garrus, Ashley and Kaidan waiting for her outside the SSV Normandy. She smiles, taking a moment to look at each and every one of them for a moment, before stepping past them and punching in the code to open the pressurized door and letting them all step inside.

"Everyone playing nice?" She asks easily, trying to fill the silence that had settled over them.

"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan and Ashley say together.

Shepard turns around to look at her crew, giving each of them a once over before asking, "Did everyone get everything they needed? Settled everything they needed to before departure?"

"Yes, ma'am," Kaidan, Ashley and now Garrus, say together.

Shepard quirks an eyebrow, trying to remember if they were always like this. Whether they were, or not, she doesn't like it. There should always be a form of structure in a military vessel, but the Normandy is a little different from a regular military vessel. Shepard does lead her crew, but this wasn't all about her. This was about all of them. They all needed to be comfortable and work together to be able to not only prepare for the Reapers and stop Saren and Soverign.

But now Shepard has to turn her attention to what is going to happen next. Anderson relinquishing control of the Normandy to her still felt unfair and a kick in the gut, but she understood why he ultimately came to such a decision and respected him immensely for it. Now that Shepard thinks about it, since becoming a Sepectre, she's had very little time to be able to sit down and talk to him - to really thank Anderson for everything that he's ever done for her. He was there with her when she joined the Alliance. He was a confidant and friend since the very beginning.

She loved him dearly and yet she never took the time to really thank him. In some way, she always thought that she would have time later to really sit down and hash out the apologies and thanks to her long-time friend and mentor. She didn't even really realize how little time she had until the moment his eyes shut forever and she was left alone on the crucible.

Now they need to head to the Artemis Tau Cluster to find Liara. Therum in the Knossos system, if Shepard remembered correctly. She have to get a good look at the galaxy map quickly before letting Joker know just to be sure. She doesn't want to be wrong and waste any of their time. She knows that there is still time and that she needs to slow down, but it's already going to take a week to even get to Artemis Tau and another day or two to finally get to Therum.

The more she thinks about it, the more she's sure it's Therum.

"Good," Shepard says after perhaps too long of a silence. "I'm glad to see that you are all here." She waves her hand and heads down the docking tube to the decontamination chamber with the rest of her crew and hopefully one day longtime friends. They all squeeze into the small chamber, making sure to give the krogan a wide berth that Shepard wasn't sure if he appreciated or not.

She leans against one of the walls as the scanner passes over them, looking around at the small collection of people. "Does anyone have any questions?"

"I do," Wrex says, surprising Shepard by being the first to speak up.

"Shoot," Shepard says, crossing her arms over her chest and offering the old, scarred krogan a nod to continue.

"Are you going to be spacey this entire trip?" Wrex asks plainly. Ashley stares over at him with wide brown eyes while Kaidan blinks slowly.

"Wrex," Tali says slowly. She wrings thin, three fingered hands in front of her nervously. "Can you really ask that?"

"I just did, didn't I?" Wrex grunts, turning reptilian red eyes from Tali to Shepard. "Not that I really care, I just want to know how much waiting I'm going to have to expect on this journey."

"No, it's fine," Shepard says dismissively. She wasn't mad about the question nor could she blame him for asking. She hasn't really been paying too much attention to the now. Too focused on the future. "You're right. I'm a bit out of it, Wrex. I won't let it effect my performance, if that's what you're worried about. I never mean any form of disrespect to any of you by my silence or faraway look," Shepard says firmly. "I hold great respect for all of you. You are putting your lives on hold, and on the line for me and my mission. I just..." she hesitates, "I just have much to think about in regards to what is to come."

"That's understandable," Garrus says, mandibles flickering outward a bit. He looks around for a moment, appearing suddenly uncomfortable. "I mean, if you want, you could bounce your thoughts off of us."

Kaidan casts him a curious glance before taking pity on the turian and nodding. "I agree with Garrus, Commander. I'm sure we'd all be able to help somehow. And if not, it may help you just being able to talk about it out loud."

As true as that might be, it was moot at this point. Shepard couldn't really tell them what was on her mind because unlike Anderson, who has this unbelievable talent for believing in her despite how insane she could quite possibly be, the rest of her friends still new very little about her and how much she was willing to do for them and so their relationship is tentative if nothing else. By saying too much she could affectively scare them all away forever and ruin her chances of being to stop the Reapers.

Such a thing was not something she was willing to risk. If them thinking she was a bit of an airhead was going to keep them all around long enough for the bonds to form and the threat to start showing itself, then she is just going to have to live with it.

"Thank you," Shepard says, offering the two men in front of her a small smile. "I appreciate it, Kaidan, Garrus. I will definitely keep it in mind." As soon as she finished speaking, the door behind Joker opens up and Shepard pushes herself off of the wall and heads in first, casting a glance over her shoulder at the remainder of the crew. "Make yourselves comfortable. We are going to be getting to know each other well over the duration of our mission." And in the years that follow, Shepard doesn't say.

She walks up behind Joker watching as he prepares the Normandy for take off, going through preflight checks. She can hear the rest of the crew come in behind her and head toward the galaxy map. She spares a few words to Joker, gives a speech over the intercom to the crew - nothing extravagant but enough to lift their spirits a bit and to show them that this mission was important - before heading to the galaxy map to be sure of where their first destination was going to be. Once she was sure it was Therum, she let Joker know before checking on the crew.

Not surprising that Tali was the only one that really wanted to talk. Kaidan didn't have anything to say, Ashley was still angry about Eden Prime, Garrus was excited about being able to finally start getting the bad guys, Wrex didn't want to talk really about anything and even made an angry quip about the Genophage that Shepard felt she should have seen coming from a mile away before going to talk to Tali, who happily talked her ear off.

Tali pretty much knew everything that Tali was going to say and knew everything that she was talking about, but she didn't mind hearing it again. In fact, that was part of the reason she left speaking to Tali last, simply because she knew that the quarian wouldn't brush her off so easily in the beginning. If Shepard thought about it logically, Tali didn't really know much about the other species through personal experience and was probably happy to be able to talk about her people and even learn about the humans who weren't around the galactic community when the quarians were exiled from Rannok.

After so long of people in the galaxy basically blaming the quarians for creating the geth and then losing their homeworld to their own creation, Shepard couldn't help but think it helped Tali relieve a bit of built up stress being able to talk about it with someone who she perceived as having no connection to the situation other than through the events on Eden Prime.

That wasn't true, but it made Tali feel better and that was what mattered.

It wasn't until the next morning, while Shepard was eating a simple protein bar for breakfast that she realized that not only was the food supply they had basically shit for the humans, but it was practically nonexistent for Garrus and Tali. She wanted to slap the shit out of herself. This wasn't the first time she's traveled with dextros before. She can't believe she forgot.

Heading down to the cargo bay, she went into the engine room.

"Tali!" Shepard calls, startling the quarian for a moment before she turns around, hands held up as if she was doing something she shouldn't be.

"I was only looking at the emission output, Shepard," she says quickly. "I promise I wasn't tweaking anything."

Shepard blinks in confusion for a moment before realizing what the girl was trying to say. "Oh, Tali, don't worry. I'm not mad at you. Feel free to take a look. I actually wanted to talk to you about something else. You aren't in trouble."

She hesitates for a moment before lowering her hands, casting a glance at Adam's to make sure he didn't appear angry - he offered her a little shrug, not appearing angry or upset - before walking over to Shepard slowly. As if the older woman was lying and about to chastise the girl. Shepard waves for her to follow and heads over to Garrus.

"Hey," Shepard says, stepping up next to him.

Garrus turns toward her, tilting his head a bit. He casts a glance at Tali before suddenly looking nervous, probably feeding off of Tali's own nervous energy.

"Is something wrong, Shepard?" Garrus asks, blue eyes wide.

"No," Shepard says immediately. "Well, kind of." Garrus and Tali look worried. Shepard raises an eyebrow, not sure how she feels about their tentativeness. Were they like that before and she just didn't notice? Or at least, wasn't skilled enough in reading their body language to have been able to tell? Shepard knows that they are newly made crewmates and had no idea what to expect from her, but she can't believe that they would be... frightened of her. Perhaps worried that she would kick them off the mission, maybe. But it's surprising how just a few short years has changed her entire ability to read them. If she hadn't had that dream/memory/foresight/time travel experience, would she have not been able to see such shifts in expression and body language on her friends? She can almost guarantee it.

"What's wrong?" Garrus asks, rolling his shoulders back, mandibles pressing against his face tightly, preparing himself.

Shepard shakes her head, stepping closer. "Garrus, Tali, relax," she says, looking between the two. "Did you guys do anything wrong?"

Garrus blinks in surprise before shaking his head while Tali says softly, "No."

"Then you have nothing to be so worried about," Shepard says easily. "Besides, it's not like I'm going to beat you up or kick you off my ship. Whether you like it or not, you're here to stay. I doubt there's anything you can do that would make me remove you from the ship, so relax, okay?"

Garrus stares down at her for a moment, staring into her eyes with his own light blue ones, trying to read her emotions like that. His shoulders and mandibles relax a bit, but he doesn't appear to know if he found what he was looking for. He doesn't have the years of dealing with humans under his belt anymore to be able to help him figure out what she was thinking.

Tali lets out a sigh of relief, believing Shepard's words right away. Tali, so sweet and childish. Shepard really did love her quarian best friend.

"Listen," Shepard says, crossing her arms over her chest, "the reason I called the two of you out is because something occurred to me this morning that I was absent minded enough to forget before leaving the Citadel." She looks between the two of them. They stare back at her, waiting to hear what she had to say. "I forgot to make sure you two had proper provisions for this trip."

Tali tilts her head curiously while Garrus's entire posture relaxes. His mandibles flutter a bit, showing his appreciation without any inflection in his voice. "Thank you for worrying about us, Shepard," he says. "Thankfully I figured this might be the case and brought aboard some provisions, myself. I can share with Tali if need be, I don't mind."

Tali looks up at Garrus, her eyes cresting as she smiles. "That is kind of you, Garrus. Thank you." She looks back to Shepard. "I too brought some food for myself. Perhaps not enough to make the entirety of our journey, but for a while I'll be fine."

"Same," Garrus says.

Shepard smiles at them. "Good thinking, you two. I'm sorry I hadn't thought about it before we left the Citadel. Let me know if you are running low, we will stop somewhere so that you guys can restock. I realized that we have a poor selection on this ship this morning and I know that with a krogan on board we are going to burn through it a lot quicker than it was intended for solely a human crew. I know to get a lot of fish for Wrex, I'll just have to see what he specifically likes, but I don't trust myself to shop for the two you. If you find a place that sells good provisions for you guys, let me know and I'll transfer credits to you, alright?"

Garrus starts to shake his head. "It's alright, really, Shepard. I'm sure between the two of us, Tali and I can make it."

Shepard shakes her head as well. "Sorry, Garrus, no can do. I don't expect Wrex to be buying his provisions, nor do I expect either of you. I'm okay with this, trust me. You two are part of my crew. I want to make sure that you are fed, keeping up training and ready for the battles that are to come. Don't worry about it, okay?" She offers the turian a little smile.

Garrus's mandibles flutter, showing his appreciation again. "Thank you, Shepard," his voice is soft and it sends a shiver down her spine that she tries to hide by shifting. "I appreciate you thinking about us."

"Yes," Tali says, nodding her head quickly. "Thank you."

Shepard nods. "No problem. Let me know if you guys need anything, okay? You are just as important to me as the human members of my crew. We are all in this together. We will all need to be in tip top shape when we face off against Saren."

"Yes, ma'am," Garrus says, rolling his shoulders back proudly.

Tali nods again, straightening up a bit. "Sure thing, Shepard."

"That's all," Shepard says, sparing them a single nod before turning around and heading toward the elevator before pausing, feeling Wrex's eyes on her back. She turns to look at him. When her eyes locked with his, he jerked his chin a bit, beckoning her over.

She turns and walks over to him. "Wrex?"

Wrex stares at her with deep crimson red eyes. "I heard what you said over there."

"Yeah..?" Shepard says, raising an eyebrow curiously. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Wrex says simply. "I just find it curious, is all. What are you up to?"

"Me?" Shepard asks, genuinely confused. "You think I'm trying to buy your love?"

Wrex grunts. That wasn't what he was thinking. "I don't claim to understand humans, but are you all this... accommodating?"

Shepard shrugs. "I suppose it depends on who you encounter, Wrex. Just like any other race out there, there are good humans, bad ones and everything in between. I can't really say what I am, Wrex. That's up for you to decide for yourself," she says sagely.

Wrex lets out a low rumble, staring at Shepard for a moment, as if trying to get a read on her, before turning his red eyes away to stare at the mako behind her. Figuring that was his way of showing that the conversation was over. She shrugs her shoulders and turns to head back to the elevator.

"So long, Wrex," Shepard says flippantly.

"Shepard," Wrex says, which is usually his way of saying goodbye as well, but there is a lilt to his voice that suggests that he has something to say. She pauses and turns back to him, curiously. "I'll send you a list of my favorite fish," he says, offering her cheeky smile.

Shepard rolls her eyes, smiling faintly. "Got it."

* * *

Shepard couldn't sleep that night. A side effect of having not slept for months during the war with the Reapers. She sat on her bed facing the empty fish tank next to her, mentally debating on whether she should get some more fish and even another hamster to bring a bit of life to the cabin. While she couldn't find a reason not to buy a hamster, she had to really promise herself not to go on a mass genocide of all of the fish that she will come to own. She definitely won't let them all die like she did before.

Somehow she's more mature, she thinks.

But that was just some of the forefront thoughts that she had when the night was young, but once she finally convinced herself to lay down and sleep, she couldn't. Every time she closed her eyes, she would be back on Earth, watching as the Reapers descend from the skies followed closely by balls of bright red lightning and dark clouds. She could hear the horrible, loud roar through her mind.

It became painfully clear that she wasn't going to get that out of her mind, so she went to sit at her desk and look through her emails, trying desperately to figure out what to do. She had to get Liara, see the thorian and save the rachni. It feels like the end of the road is only a mile ahead of her - which obviously it isn't - but she can't seem to get up off her belly and is stuck army crawling through molasses.

When she didn't really know what to do or where to go, it felt like the situation would drag on forever, but now it feels like she didn't want this portion of the story to end. The suspicion, the worry, it was nothing compared to what is to come. If she can't sleep now because of something that hasn't even happened yet, what is she going to do when the time comes.

Whenever she would have these moments, these nights where she just couldn't sleep - her thoughts and fears taking over her nights - Garrus would come to her. Well, he was with her every night once they reunited on Manae, but he would be sleeping on her bed and wake up to her tooling around on her Omni too, or the extranet or her emails, and he would bring her to bed with him. Sometimes they would have sex so that she could focus on something else. Sometimes they would just sit and talk. And sometimes he would just hold her in his arms and whenever the nightmares would wake her, he wouldn't let her go, pinning her to him while using the low rumble of his subvocals in her ear to calm her down and lull her back to sleep.

Or at least relax her again.

Garrus was her rock. She needed him so bad. It was so strange being in this room - even though it was the SR1 version rather than the upgraded SR2 version of the Normandy, it was still her cabin - without Garrus there. Without the little things that she would find around her cabin that belied his presence even though he wasn't there at the moment.

His data pads. A picture of the two of them on the Citadel after they proclaimed their love for one another. Little glass vials filled with the blue paint he used for his tribal markings. A bottle of wine that only he could drink next to a wine that only she could drink and two cups.

She grabs one of her data pads, unable to stay in this room any longer, and walks out to the elevator and took it down to the mess hall. There she spends the rest of the night - or the night shift, she supposes - keeping a detailed list of everything she can remember about her journey - people, places, things - that could help her prepare the galaxy for what is to come. It was never too late to start preparing for the Reapers, she just wasn't sure how she was going to go about it. Wrack her mind as she may, she isn't able to come up with too solid of a game play, yet.

Hopefully, with time, she will be able to come up with something.

* * *

Perhaps it was because of the lack of proper sleep for the past week, but when they finally arrived on Therum, she was so excited to invite Garrus and Tali into the mako with her. It had been so long since she last drove the mako, and while she was told - from many horrified humans and aliens alike - that she is an absolute terrible driver, she finds a bit of sick enjoyment, hearing them scream in horror in the back.

Especially Wrex. Now he had some lungs on him.

Garrus told her just a few days after they reunited during the Reaper invasion, when she was having a particularly difficult night, having woke up from her nightmares screaming, that he was terrified to ever drive with her. That every time she asked him to go on a mission with him, he felt stress unlike anything a turian should ever have to go through.

"Now remember," Garrus had said, rubbing her back slowly with his manicured talons, so that they wouldn't break her skin just from a gentle tough, "we turians don't take stress well. Can you imagine how much mental agony I was in all the time. Thinking back on it now, it's no wonder I'm so messed up. I mean, quitting my life - again - to go to Omega of all places to be a vigilante, fall in love with my dead best friend and then leave my burning homeworld simply because I can't be away from you for too long and the six months away prior was agony? I must be nuts!"

"I'm sorry," Shepard rasped, closing her eyes, a tiny smile tugging on her lips. She reached up and wiped away the silent tears rolling down her face.

"And it's all your fault too!" Garrus said, sounding as if he just discovered the very reason for his own existence.

"I'm sorry," Shepard said again.

Garrus paused for a moment before wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his mandible against the back of her neck, pressing close to her with the hot plates of his chest. "I wouldn't trade a single moment with you for the world," he whispered. "Insanity is worth it so long as you are here with me."

Shepard laid her hands down over his own, squeezing her eyes shut tight. "I agree. I would go through hell and back, just for you."

"Not alone," Garrus said adamantly. "I'll be right there by your side. Through thick and thin. No matter what."

The deep feeling of loss, loneliness and worry pulls Shepard back to the present. She has to shake the feeling away and turn toward Garrus and Tali who were making their way over to her.

"We are ready, Shepard," Garrus says, blinking down at her without an ounce of the love in his eyes that he once held.

Shepard's throat swells shut and she turns away. "Excellent. Let's get into the mako." A pause, then, to try and lift her spirits, she says, "I'll drive."

"Sure," Tali says, easily.

"Right behind you," Garrus says.

Shepard lets out a smile, pained smile.

 _For the Reviewers:_

 _1\. goukagin: Yes, I did! I am so sorry for the slow update!_

 _2\. KittenKakt: Thank you! I was a bit worried that people would find it annoying and unproductive. I like to think about it as I feel I would live through it. The whole debacle with Saren was no doubt important, but in the grand scheme of things, I wanted Shepard's focus to be solely on what is to come, and how it affects the people around her. Tali is just so cute, I love her a lot. About Garrus, I wrote him in, and then it somehow got deleted out. Thank you for pointing it out to me!_

 _3\. Rayne Arianna Maranochi: Yeah, I'm kind of in that kick right now with a bunch of Naruto stories and I wanted to see if the concept could still work but in a Mass Effect story. So far it's going okay, so I would like to keep going with it. If you remember the name of the movie, I would love to know!_

 _4\. VGirl7553: Aww, thank you so much for saying that. I really appreciate it! I really do love hearing from everyone so the fact that you took the time means a lot to me. I'm sorry about the wait!_


End file.
